I went to pick up lunch while Cam dropped our keys off at the land lord’s. We met at a gas station and filled up and then we were on the road.
The truck was pretty packed too. And that stubborn tarp wouldn’t cover all the stuff in the back, so while driving it would blow up like a balloon. We pulled off the exit to re pack and tie things down. I had to follow close behind Cam so in case things got sketchy, I could get his attention and have him pull over. I never got the chance to. All of a sudden, Cam went from 75 to 40. Then to 30. Then he stopped. In the fast lane. I dodged him by pulling over onto the shoulder. Cam said there was a semi behind me. I have no idea where the semi went. I assume he got into the other lane in time, but we were passing a semi when the truck stopped, so I can only believe that guardian angels were watching over us. Cam tried everything he could to get the truck off the road. He told me later that he heard a snap and the stick shift started smoking and then the truck just stopped. The back wheels had locked up. We couldn’t even push the truck a couple of inches. We were stuck.

Cam called 911 and an officer came to re-direct traffic. I felt much safer. I’m so glad he got there so quickly. One distracted driver and we would have been in a serious accident. For the first time in my life I didn’t know whether to run to help my husband or stay and keep my boys safe. My heart, and body, needed to be in two places at once.

They called a tow truck and hauled us back to Nephi.

We spent the next 5 hours in a mechanic yard in Nephi. I walked next door and bought batteries for my breast pump…because we clearly weren’t going to be near an outlet before the boys needed to eat again. And so, I pumped at the mechanics. And the phrase “ah, motherhood” kept going through my mind.

Cam talked to the mechanic and he let us know our transmission had blown. The truck was useless. We had just given away the keys to our apartment. Going back to Orem wasn’t an option. It was dirty, dusty, and windy so I didn’t want to take the boys out of the car. And they started getting restless.

I pulled Gray into the driver’s seat with me. Miraculously, Nash was content as could be. (until later…ha.)

He perfected his blue steel face.

And then Cam came back to tell me what was going on. The option we decided on was to tow the truck behind a Uhaul and just get moving. But it was now 6:30 at night. The Uhaul place in Nephi was closed. (Of course.) I felt like we were in some small town from a comedy movie where the same guy runs all the businesses, and is so absolutely unhelpful. So Cam started contacting all the Uhaul places in all the small towns near by. One place only had a 26 foot truck, but had the tow trailer. And another place had a 14 foot truck. But no tow trailer. And both places closed in 30 minutes. And the mechanic said he was going home and wouldn’t be around to help us load up the truck onto the Uhaul trailer. Since the truck wouldn’t move, we needed his tow truck to pick up our truck and load it. I tracked down another mechanic and we went racing off to the Uhaul place. Cell service was sketchy, so we didn’t even know if they would stay open for us. All four of us gave the victory fist when we got to Santaquin and Cam was able to start filling out paperwork. Some wonderful person in Payson drove the tow trailer over to Santaquin to save us some time. I was so happy when I saw this beat up truck drive up with the tow dolly.

We went back to the mechanics to get the truck loaded up. It was quite the sight.It felt so good to actually be moving toward our goal of getting to Arizona. We made it to Beaver at around 11 and got a hotel. The boys were so excited to be out of the car. They just stretched and stretched. (And Nash spit up all over himself as soon as he possibly could. He parties hard.)
The next morning we packed up and headed down to Flagstaff. Cameron and I talked on the phone as much as possible to keep each other awake and entertained. We stopped and stretched our legs and fed the boys a few times and rolled into Flagstaff around dinner time that night. So dang happy to be out of the car for about 24 hours. And to see some very excited aunts, uncles, and grandparents. And eat real food. And have bath time.

I think I’ve posted before about how Cameron’s dad is currently battling melanoma. It was pretty far along before they caught it. Things weren’t great, but he was fighting hard. He endured surgery and radiation and had moved onto the third part of his treatment plan, chemotherapy. Chemo was really hard on him, but at least from up in Utah, things seemed to be pretty under control. After the initial diagnosis, Cam and I talked about moving down to Arizona shortly after the boys were born. We just didn’t feel right about it at the time and decided to let things be unless things got worse.

Things got worse.

One morning, I got a text update from Cameron’s mother. His dad was in the ICU. His oxygen levels had completely dropped. They were in the 60s. [From my experience in the NICU, levels under 84 is reason to freak out about...so the 60s is just crazy to me.] He was delirious. He had pneumonia and potentially meningitis.

I immediately sent a text to Cam and asked if we needed to move to Arizona. From a personal, spiritual standpoint, I already knew we were going to move. [And if I hadn't felt that intense prompting, the next week and a half might have actually killed me. How absolutely grateful I am for my testimony of personal revelation. It brings me such great peace.]

He thought I was over reacting.

I thought he was in denial.

And so, we fought about it for about 3 days. AndCameron finally wrapped his head around the situation and agreed to move once he found a job down here. As a new father, the desire and feeling of responsibility to provide for our little family is more intense than it has ever been. I married a wonderful man. He has his priorities completely straight. I loved that our little family was still at the forefront of his mind considering all that was going on. I still felt unsettled about waiting and knew that if we just went, he would find a job much easier and we would be taken care of. Every job he applied for said “well, come see us when you get here and we’ll see if we’re still hiring.” But he just couldn’t make the move without knowing me and the boys would be provided for.

He called his mother and sister.

I called my mother and sister.

His mother and sister kept reassuring him that we didn’t need to move.

My mother and sister kept reassuring me that I wasn’t crazy, and that Arizona was the right place to be.

It was all pretty frustrating. But the reactions make complete sense. Being a couple steps removed from the situation help to clear up any emotionally charged decisions or reactions.

The next Sunday, Cameron fasted to know what to do. I went to sacrament meeting with the boys and then came home. Cameron stayed for the next two hours. About 10 minutes after he walked in the door, his dad called. His dad said simply that us moving down there would be the very best thing for him and that he knew that if we moved, Cam would find a job and we would be taken care of.

Cam had his answer.

I was grinning.

We were on the same page. And it felt wonderful.

Scary as the upcoming week was going to be. Hard as it would be to leave our home, friends, ward, job, health insurance. We were on the same page. We were a team. And when you’re moving forward together, things are a lot less scary. And a lot less hard.

So we made a list together of all the things we wanted/needed to accomplish in order to be on the road by the end of the month. We had a week. We needed to visit family members, mission presidents, friends. We needed to pack up our entire house. We needed a storage unit, because we’re moving [again] to Texas at the end of the summer and wouldn’t have room for all our stuff in Arizona anyway.

Once we had a plan. We called Cam’s parents and told them the news. I called my parents and asked if we could spend the night there on our way to Queen Creek.

And then we held hands.

For Sunday dinner, we went up to Emilee and Adam’s house. We are going to miss them terribly. We LOVE going up there. I get to tuck the girls in to bed when we’re there. They were the best help at getting us through the nastiness of infertility. Gave us some kiddos to love on. And now that we have babies of our own, their kids love on them right back. I have never seen her kids as excited to see us as when the twins were with us, finally! Elisha waited outside for us to arrive and opened the back door to get a look at Gray before Cam had even turned the car off. Every time we sat down, the twins were passed from arm to arm. Everyone wanted a turn.

One of the hardest things was leaving before Emilee has her baby girl. We’ve become really close over the past few years. She’s really a great friend to me. I never feel out of place when Emilee’s around. I feel like she “gets” me. There aren’t too many people in the world who do. I cherish that. We’re all going to my aunt’s cabin in Idaho in July and I will meet their sweet baby girl there. [Hopefully she'll have a name by then...just kidding Em! :)] I’m excited out of my mind for that.

The boys decided to be extra cute on our way out.

And remember how Emilee gets me? Yeah, she just e-mailed me the next picture. Pretty fantastic. There are about 5 things that I love about this picture.

1. The obvious. It’s Cameron.
2. The other obvious. It’s Cameron’s bum.
3. He is packing our sweet babies into the car.
4. You can see his broken belt loop, so his belt comes up. He loves those shorts. To a fault.
5. That man, and that bum is married to me. Boy howdy.

Inappropriate to print and put on my desk? Not sure.

After we left Emilee’s house, it was go time. We needed to stop dragging our feet and get things packed up.

We packed up everything we could. A good friend works at a storage complex near by and helped us get a trailer on Friday to stop by and pick up all our stuff and drop it off at the unit. I am so grateful for all the help and support we had. Moving with new babies is hard… I felt like I was moving at 25% speed the entire time. Bethany Heldt came over and packed up the nursery, bathroom, and started the kitchen. I didn’t touch the kitchen after she left…Danica Rugg swooped in a few days later and packed the whole darn thing up. I would still be there packing if it weren’t for these ladies. On Friday, friends showed up to help us get everything into the storage unit.

AND we got that piano out of the house. And it only took 4 people to do it. Brilliant men. It made my whole day.

For the next 3 days, we camped as a family in our living room. Cameron made us a wonderful bed and the boys slept right next to us in their pack and play. Looking around, it really made me reevaluate the importance of “stuff.” We were pretty darn happy with nothing at all. [...and Netflix...:)]

Saturday, friends came down from Farmington to say goodbye. We sat in camping chairs and ate mexican food. The simple life is pretty great. Sunday we went to church at our ward for the last time and it turns out we got a new bishop. It was kind of nice to see that our ward “ended” when we left and if we went back it wouldn’t be the same anyway. After church, we went up to Emilee and Adam’s for dinner again. Speaking of the simple life, it was sure nice to sit on a couch again! Monday, it was go-time.

We met up with a bunch of family, friends and neighbors for breakfast at Kneaders. Jessica works there now and I couldn’t leave without tasting one of her creations…and it didn’t disappoint. YUM!

Uncle Sam and Aunt Kiara (Cameron’s Twin Sister)

Jill (first mentioned here) and her miracle, Emma

We didn’t get pictures with the Ruggs or the Crocketts, though they came to see us off too. And we had to track down the Youngs again to get a picture with them… [My mind wasn't working very well at this point. I wish more than anything that we had pictures with them.] It was so fun to get together with everyone one last time. We didn’t act any different. It was just like we were hanging out, like we always do. I’m so glad it wasn’t mopey or weird.

We went back to our apartment to pack up the cars and finish the last little bit of cleaning. Which turned into a lot a bit of cleaning. What is it about moving that right at the end feels like you haven’t even started? so. much. work!

Aunt Jess came over to play with the boys so I could pack and clean.

My little clementine tree all packed up tight!

Cam finished up the cleaning end of things.

Doug completely saved the day. He worked SO HARD to help us get on the road. He vacuumed, cleaned out our fridge, wiped down walls, took care of our turtle, anything we needed he was there to make it easy on us. Major thanks to his wife Melanie for letting us have him for the day. We couldn’t have done it without them!

And just like that it was time to go.

Everything hit me at once. We were leaving our friends, our ward, Cameron’s job, our health insurance, our house, everything that was familiar, our home. Our home where we built our bed, did projects, covered the couch, learned how to can, stayed up late working together. Our home where we cried when we found out having children was going to be much much harder for us. Where we cried when we didn’t know if our babies would ever come. Our home where we fought and made up hundreds of times. Our home where we watched our friends’ lives change forever with the birth of Hadley, then Stella, then Bronson. When Harley came home to his family. Our home where it was finally our turn. The joy and excitement in the air when WE KNEW we had a little baby coming to our home and Cameron and I were the only ones who knew. The tears that came from that. The elation that was shared in so many when we found out there were TWO little babes headed our way and then again when we found out they were boys. Our home where our hearts healed as we planned a nursery and worked together to make room for our sons. Our home where we came home from the hospital while our hearts were still in the NICU. Our home where we were finally able to be a family of four.

I cried as we drove away from that little red brick building. I kept telling my boys that we could be happy anywhere because we were together. I think I said it more for me than for them.

Next up: the drive [which was way more exciting than it should have been...]

Last night you wore collared shirts to a beautiful backyard wedding. You looked so grown up. A lot of the extended family was there. They were so excited to meet you. Lots of hugs and laughter. And plenty of other babies to meet. Your dad is working really long days lately. He wakes up to leave for the day when you’re awake for your middle of the night feeding. The past two nights I’ve been just getting you back to bed when he is heading out the door. It’s nice to get to pray with him before he goes, though. I love your dad so much. He works so hard for us. He comes home around dinner time and always can’t wait to see you. He was spoiled last week when he didn’t have a job and got to spend all day with you. You’re the first people he wants to see when he walks through the door. Last night after the wedding, we had a few errands to run. You boys slept in the car with dad. He was exhausted, and you were up past your bedtime. When we got home from our chaotic evening, I went to the kitchen to pack your dad’s lunch for work the next day and he took you upstairs to get you into jammies and tucked into bed. He fell asleep before I came upstairs, but he left the light on for me.

When I woke up to feed you before I went to bed, you didn’t even open your eyes. You were both so tired. Just like dad. And when I burped you, your hair smelled like your dad’s cologne. So I knew he had cuddled you in his arms for a while before putting you down. He lives for that time with you. And I couldn’t put you down. I am so in love with you boys. Once you were snuggled up together in your crib for the night, I sat on the bed in the quiet lamplight and listened to the deep breaths and occasional sigh from the three loves of my life.

I’ve caught myself worrying lately that your little lives have been too jam packed full of busy. That we don’t have enough peace. That the peace should be the constant instead of the chaos. Life’s funny like that sometimes. But what I forget is that all that busy makes the peace more peaceful.

I don’t think our lives are going to slow down anytime soon, but I’m so grateful for the quiet that happens every once in a while. And a life without busy sure is boring.

I still can’t believe I get to be your mom. That you are mine. What a sweet thing to realize over and over again.

I love you,

Mom

This was the day I discovered that fantastic hat. And the first day the boys wore shoes. We were on cuteness overload.

{For the next little while, I’m going to be blogging a little bit of catch up posts. More for me and my mom and sisters than anything else. But I thought I wouldn’t deprive you all of the pictures.}

When the boys turned six weeks old, we moved them out of our bedroom closet and into their big crib in their very own nursery. About a week later, we were packing up to move to Arizona. If it wasn’t heart wrenching enough to come upstairs one day to find their pack and play taken down, packing up their nursery was a whole new ball game. It broke my heart to take down the prints, cribs, and arrivals clocks. All that planning put away.

Cameron let me pack up the biggest poster to hang up here in Arizona. We brought their crib instead of just the pack and play. And for the next three days, I got to have my boys sleep in the pack and play right next to me while we camped as a family in our half packed up house in the living room.

Pretty sweet to let them be little for a couple more nights.

It was good for my heart.

Cameron came home from a run. I was finishing up feeding the boys and we decided to take them for their first swim. We couldn’t find swimsuits or even swim diapers in a size that would fit the boys, so I put them in some cloth diaper covers I made, without the absorbent cloth and out we went.

(Nash Blue, Gray Yellow)

So thanks, Em. I owe you big time.

My sweet boys are a month old already! How did that happen? I feel like just yesterday I was in the hospital for monitoring. If the rest of their childhood goes this fast, I better start writing things down. I’ve learned that’s the only way to keep myself from panicking about life passing me by.

I’ve seen a lot of cute things done with monthly updates, numbered onesies, cute photos, etc. I’ve been told that I’m the kind of person people expect that sort of thing from. However, I have no idea what I would do with pictures like that in the long run. I don’t want to stress myself out every month trying to get these boys to cooperate and they tend to look darn cute with minimal effort on my part, so long as I don’t mess with them too much. It’s when I try to complicate things that everyone gets stressed and sad.

I did have the realization though that we will probably celebrate the 9th of every month for the next year, just like we celebrated the 2nd of every month for the first year of our marriage. This month, we took the boys to meet the wonderful people at the fertility clinic where everything started. Dr. Foulk and his staff are incredible. I’m so grateful for them and the friendships and blessings that have come from that relationship.

This month has been full of cuddles, spit up, smiles, cute faces, thousands of kisses and laughter.

Favorites from this month:

1. Cam was changing Nash’s diaper when Nash projectile pooped on him. Cam put his hand down to block it and immediately Nash started peeing. Completely exasperated, Cam just starts laughing and says “…Stop! Stop it!”
2. At one point, Gray was pooping, peeing, hiccuping, burping, and spitting up simultaneously. Poor guy just looked up at me with each hiccup as if to ask “what is going on, mom?”
3. I feed the boys at the same time, most of the time. Gray likes to touch Nash while they eat. Nash doesn’t like to be touched while he eats. It’s pretty entertaining.
4. The boys make some seriously great faces after they eat. Eye-rolling contentment and huge smiles. It’s wonderful. I know those smiles are just gas smiles, but they make me melt.
5. We’ve figured out bathtime. The kitchen sink is where it’s at. The boys love the warm water and calm right down. It sure helps them sleep better at night, too.
6. Nash was fussy one night after the 3am feeding. I rocked him for about a half hour until he fell asleep, which I’ve never had to do before, but I really loved it (for the first bit). This morning, Gray just needed some cuddle time before the day started. We hit the rocking chair for a few minutes and enjoyed the quiet. I love being a mom. I love being their mom.
7. We’ve really enjoyed taking the boys out for walks. They generally sleep through the entire thing, but yesterday they were so content in the sunshine, just looking around at everything.
8. They sleep really well right now. We put them down to bed at 8 or 8:30 and go back up to feed them at 10:30. Every time I walk through the bedroom door at 10:30, my heart just soars because they’re still there. They are our boys. They get to stay with us forever. This is a dream come true in every sense of the word.
9. I generally try to tackle the middle of the night feedings on my own because Cam has to get up super early and go off to work every morning. I have the option of sleeping in so long as the boys cooperate. He doesn’t. Sometimes, though, I really need his help. (Tandem nursing is tricky…) Cameron is pretty groggy when that happens. This results in some pretty great conversations. (Cam: Don’t worry. I packed their bags. Me: Oh? Where are they going? Cam: The Dark Side.)
10. Gray is a very voracious eater. Once he figures out it’s time to eat, he gets so dang excited. Noises, stretching, arms flailing. It’s quite a production. Nash generally just latches and goes. When Gray starts “being Gray”, Nash will stop eating and just watch him with an expression on his face that says “What is your issue, dude?” It cracks me up every single time.
11. Gray spit up in Nash’s ear.
12. We read a page out of the Book of Mormon board book every night for our family scripture study. One night we read the story of Nephi building the boat and talked about how we’re going on a boat this summer at Lake Powell and we will be on the houseboat with all of our family, just like Nephi took his family. Last night we read about King Benjamin and how sleeping is helping Mom and Dad and makes Heavenly Father happy.
13. Praying for our sons by name.
14. The first night we were home, Cameron wasn’t used to all the little noises the boys make in their sleep. For the first 3 hours, Cameron probably asked me “what’s wrong with them??” 15 times. We got him some ear plugs. He only had to wear them for 2 days.
15. General Conference. Cam and Nash on one couch. Gray and Me on the other. Pure contentment.

So, happy 1 month gentlemen! You sure are handsome.