When we started thinking about moving to Arizona, my sister and her family who live in Denver decided to come out for the weekend to meet the boys. We grabbed food for a picnic (firehouse subs…if you’ve never been you really should go!) and brought bread to feed the ducks at the pond near BYU campus. Lillie is just over 2 years old now and a total hoot to watch. Every time she threw a piece of bread into the water she said “there you go duckie!” Lindsay and Mackay sure have a lot of energy to keep up with her and Jessica proved once again that she will forever be the best aunt. Lillie and my boys sure love her.

{For the next little while, I’m going to be blogging a little bit of catch up posts. More for me and my mom and sisters than anything else. But I thought I wouldn’t deprive you all of the pictures.}

When the boys turned six weeks old, we moved them out of our bedroom closet and into their big crib in their very own nursery. About a week later, we were packing up to move to Arizona. If it wasn’t heart wrenching enough to come upstairs one day to find their pack and play taken down, packing up their nursery was a whole new ball game. It broke my heart to take down the prints, cribs, and arrivals clocks. All that planning put away.

Cameron let me pack up the biggest poster to hang up here in Arizona. We brought their crib instead of just the pack and play. And for the next three days, I got to have my boys sleep in the pack and play right next to me while we camped as a family in our half packed up house in the living room.

Pretty sweet to let them be little for a couple more nights.

It was good for my heart.

When I fall behind when I’m writing in my journal, I have a really hard time “catching up.” The entire task overwhelms me so much that I stop writing altogether. To combat that terrible overwhelming feeling, I don’t hold myself accountable for everything I missed. I pick up where I am and if I feel like going back, I can. So, eventually I will post things about the move and our last few weeks in Utah, but for now here are some pictures of our morning.

Cameron came home from a run. I was finishing up feeding the boys and we decided to take them for their first swim. We couldn’t find swimsuits or even swim diapers in a size that would fit the boys, so I put them in some cloth diaper covers I made, without the absorbent cloth and out we went.

(Nash Blue, Gray Yellow)

I’ve been meaning to post these for a while now. Emilee came to visit us in the hospital the morning after the boys were born. I was so hopped up on meds that I wasn’t able to be a part of this shoot (still confined to my bed…stupid catheter), but she gave me these precious pictures to remember my boys on that first day of their little lives. I don’t remember much of this day besides just struggling to be present, but I am so grateful to have these. Grateful she could give me back that day, before the feeding tubes and monitors happened.

So thanks, Em. I owe you big time.

Gray Left, Nash Right

My sweet boys are a month old already! How did that happen? I feel like just yesterday I was in the hospital for monitoring. If the rest of their childhood goes this fast, I better start writing things down. I’ve learned that’s the only way to keep myself from panicking about life passing me by.

I’ve seen a lot of cute things done with monthly updates, numbered onesies, cute photos, etc. I’ve been told that I’m the kind of person people expect that sort of thing from. However, I have no idea what I would do with pictures like that in the long run. I don’t want to stress myself out every month trying to get these boys to cooperate and they tend to look darn cute with minimal effort on my part, so long as I don’t mess with them too much. It’s when I try to complicate things that everyone gets stressed and sad.

I did have the realization though that we will probably celebrate the 9th of every month for the next year, just like we celebrated the 2nd of every month for the first year of our marriage. This month, we took the boys to meet the wonderful people at the fertility clinic where everything started. Dr. Foulk and his staff are incredible. I’m so grateful for them and the friendships and blessings that have come from that relationship.

This month has been full of cuddles, spit up, smiles, cute faces, thousands of kisses and laughter.

Favorites from this month:

1. Cam was changing Nash’s diaper when Nash projectile pooped on him. Cam put his hand down to block it and immediately Nash started peeing. Completely exasperated, Cam just starts laughing and says “…Stop! Stop it!”
2. At one point, Gray was pooping, peeing, hiccuping, burping, and spitting up simultaneously. Poor guy just looked up at me with each hiccup as if to ask “what is going on, mom?”
3. I feed the boys at the same time, most of the time. Gray likes to touch Nash while they eat. Nash doesn’t like to be touched while he eats. It’s pretty entertaining.
4. The boys make some seriously great faces after they eat. Eye-rolling contentment and huge smiles. It’s wonderful. I know those smiles are just gas smiles, but they make me melt.
5. We’ve figured out bathtime. The kitchen sink is where it’s at. The boys love the warm water and calm right down. It sure helps them sleep better at night, too.
6. Nash was fussy one night after the 3am feeding. I rocked him for about a half hour until he fell asleep, which I’ve never had to do before, but I really loved it (for the first bit). This morning, Gray just needed some cuddle time before the day started. We hit the rocking chair for a few minutes and enjoyed the quiet. I love being a mom. I love being their mom.
7. We’ve really enjoyed taking the boys out for walks. They generally sleep through the entire thing, but yesterday they were so content in the sunshine, just looking around at everything.
8. They sleep really well right now. We put them down to bed at 8 or 8:30 and go back up to feed them at 10:30. Every time I walk through the bedroom door at 10:30, my heart just soars because they’re still there. They are our boys. They get to stay with us forever. This is a dream come true in every sense of the word.
9. I generally try to tackle the middle of the night feedings on my own because Cam has to get up super early and go off to work every morning. I have the option of sleeping in so long as the boys cooperate. He doesn’t. Sometimes, though, I really need his help. (Tandem nursing is tricky…) Cameron is pretty groggy when that happens. This results in some pretty great conversations. (Cam: Don’t worry. I packed their bags. Me: Oh? Where are they going? Cam: The Dark Side.)
10. Gray is a very voracious eater. Once he figures out it’s time to eat, he gets so dang excited. Noises, stretching, arms flailing. It’s quite a production. Nash generally just latches and goes. When Gray starts “being Gray”, Nash will stop eating and just watch him with an expression on his face that says “What is your issue, dude?” It cracks me up every single time.
11. Gray spit up in Nash’s ear.
12. We read a page out of the Book of Mormon board book every night for our family scripture study. One night we read the story of Nephi building the boat and talked about how we’re going on a boat this summer at Lake Powell and we will be on the houseboat with all of our family, just like Nephi took his family. Last night we read about King Benjamin and how sleeping is helping Mom and Dad and makes Heavenly Father happy.
13. Praying for our sons by name.
14. The first night we were home, Cameron wasn’t used to all the little noises the boys make in their sleep. For the first 3 hours, Cameron probably asked me “what’s wrong with them??” 15 times. We got him some ear plugs. He only had to wear them for 2 days.
15. General Conference. Cam and Nash on one couch. Gray and Me on the other. Pure contentment.

So, happy 1 month gentlemen! You sure are handsome.